SWC #64: Win-Win

Today, Cindy discusses compromise versus the idea of "win-win" within relationships. To hear more about how this strategy can create a complete and fulfilled relationship, watch the video to hear more.   

Click Here for Video Highlights.

Welcome to "Saturday with Cindy," everybody. I'm Cindy, and welcome to those who are here for the first time. Know that I have an archive, a year's worth of "Saturdays with Cindy," about 62 of them, that you can look through and find a subject you're interested in, and check it out. I will repeat some of the things I've said in the past because I keep getting new questions. And, you know, this is a new day so let's start now.

Today, I'm going to talk about compromise, specifically compromise in a relationship with one or more other people. We have all grown up hearing the word compromise. And well, yeah, if you want to have a happy marriage, you've got to compromise. You know, if you want to get along with your boss, you have to compromise. Well, I have actually moved into a commune. I live at Lafayette Morehouse now. I've been here for over a month, and they have a school. In fact, living here is being in a course. And they have taught me that there's another way to relate with other people and it's win-win. We've heard that term, it actually came from one of the founding members of this community who has since passed away. And the idea is that for everyone involved, and I'm going to do a little reading here, to feel gratified and fulfilled in winning completely and getting everything you want without losing anything, that there's a way to do that. And it's a matter of communicating and continuing the conversation around the given subject that you and your other person are talking about, to come to such a complete understanding of each other, and what each other wants, to where you are both getting everything you want and maybe even a little more.

So what we're used to is, "I won't have things exactly the way I want. I'll have to lose a little in the bargain." And you'll have to lose a little bit, too, to make it work. So we negotiate, we bargain. We put up a collateral to be able to move on. Well, what's the point of moving on if everybody isn't getting everything they want? So when you compromise, everybody loses a little. If you hang in there and keep going, then everybody can win.

Now, I'm going to take a simple social situation to give you an example. You and three of your friends decide you all want to get together and hang out. And someone says, "Hey, let's go to the movies." And the other three go, "Yeah, that sounds great." And then someone says, "Let's go see that new adventure movie." And one of you says, "Seen it already," or "I'm not crazy about that actor." So then, you're like, "Okay, we don't have to see that movie. Oh, let's go see that new chick flick, the one with blah-blah-blah and la-la-la." And one of you isn't that crazy about going. Well, you don't all just, like, bully them into going and make them go see a film they don't want to see, you keep talking about it until you either come up with a film that everybody wants to see, or you come up with another plan like, "Hey, let's forget the film. Let's go see that play, or go to that museum," or "Let's just go to the gym together." You come up with something so everybody involved is really excited about what you're all going to do together. Otherwise, everybody loses a little. The person that either decides to bow out so you don't get to all be together, so you're losing having them there, or you're all together but one person isn't as happy as they could be because they compromised. Therefore, you're not as happy as you could be because the coolest, most wonderful thing is that all of you are delighted with what you're doing together and you're all together. So that would be a win-win situation. 

So fodder for thought: do you want to compromise? Do you want your lover, your friends, your kids, your family, your community to compromise? Maybe there's a way you can keep the conversation going until you're all winning completely. And that's it. I'll see you on another Saturday.

Video Highlights:

0:50 Do you need compromise?
1:31 What is Win-Win?
2:00 Communication is what it takes to have everyone feel good
2:30 Get everything you want … and maybe a little more
3:05 When you compromise, everybody loses a little
4:00 Come up with something that everybody can win with
4:44 You are not as happy as you can be if someone compromises
5:10 Keep the conversation going until everyone wins