Why would I be writing about pleasure? What is pleasure? And how do we cultivate pleasure?
I found this a very interesting subject when I was in my 40s. That’s when I first heard that women are pleasure oriented creatures.
Once I understood what that really means, my life changed forever.
You see, men are goal and production oriented by nature. Women can also be goal oriented if it is their pleasure. Get it? Women go for pleasure.
Is it my pleasure to dig ditches, drive cars, fly planes, take a bubble baths, box, or garden? It all depends on what I’m in the mood for!
A woman may choose to feed the hungry, host a party or do yoga training depending on what brings her pleasure.
It’s not what we do that defines “pleasure oriented.” It’s how it feels to us.
My life, before pursuing pleasure
Growing up in a male-dominated society I always felt lacking.
I took guitar lesson for about six months. I liked them at the start. It was pleasurable at that point. Once I had to practice regularly, it became a mundane task, and the pleasure was gone. So I stopped the lessons. But I judged myself harshly for it. I thought I was a quitter without any discipline.
I took many different subjects in school, but I never zeroed in on any one class to focus on. I judged myself negatively for that too. I thought I had no ability to follow through and keep my eye on the ball.
I was judging myself through a filter that did not belong to me! I was judging myself based on male-oriented goals.
Once I understood that I would enjoy life more and feel more connected to my true nature if I started living according to what pleasured me, everything I did became much easier. My life became more enjoyable by default.
It did take more discipline than I imagined to live a pleasure-oriented life. I had to learn to follow what felt best to me. I had to slow down and pay attention to how I was feeling as I navigated my choices.
As time went on, it became easier, and people around me started to notice. They asked me what had happened.
My entire persona had changed. I went for what felt good, rather than doing what I thought I should. It was at that time I was asked to model when I was 49.
Pleasure is attractive.
When a woman is experiencing pleasure, she is innately attractive, no matter how she looks. The attraction is her joy.
During my years as a makeup artist, I noticed that when a woman was happy, she had a colorful glow and radiance to her skin.
That look of radiance is what inspired me to formulate our three Boomsticks.
Boomstick Color is a creamy universal color stick that mimics the natural blush color a woman gets when she’s happy or excited. You can apply Boomstick Color anywhere you naturally get color when your circulation revs up. (That includes your lips, cheeks, forehead, neck, and décolleté.)
Boomstick Glo is a moisturizing stick that you can smooth over your entire face for healthy dewy skin.
Boomstick Glimmer adds a little extra radiance to your skin. You can use this pearlescent stick on your eyes, sides of your eyes, cheeks, lips, neck, or décolleté.
The combination of all three Boomsticks creates the look of joy!
So as I honored what felt the most pleasurable to me, my life became even more enjoyable. I was asked to model. I created a cosmetic and skin care line based on the look of health and joy. My life and my work became more and more gratifying.
So you may ask, “How can I increase the pleasure quotient in my life?”
I’ve found it has to do with my mindset. Here are a few things I’ve been experimenting with to help cultivate a pleasurable mindset.
Pursue pleasure, not success.
If you’re living according to your pleasure, that means consciously pursuing pleasure rather than success.
For example, if I’m playing tennis for pleasure, that could mean helping my partner hit the ball back and forth to me as many times as possible—rather than trying to score a point.
Another example could be taking a bath rather than a shower. You might light candles and bring something to read while you soak. The goal would be to make getting clean a pleasurable experience.
Or let’s say I want to clean out a closet. Rather than clean it out by myself, I might have a friend come over and help me to make it more fun.
These are just a few examples. There are many ways to make everyday tasks pleasurable experiences.
Be aware we live in a pain-oriented society.
What does that mean? Pain oriented?
Well, think about how much people love to complain. You can start a conversation with a total stranger about how the bad the economy is, how miserable the weather is, how painful your back is, and the conversation can go on and on, as you continue comparing how hard things are.
Talking about the problems in the world is a daily occurrence.
Compare that to discussing how great everything is. If you start chatting about how fantastic life is, the enthusiasm will not last very long.
You can complain about anything and nobody bats an eye. In fact, they jump right in and start talking about all the misery in their lives. But try to talk about good things, and no one wants to hear them.
This happens at work too. We regularly get time off for illness, flat tires, and deaths in the family. But imagine calling up your workplace and saying, “It’s such beautiful weather today today, I’m going sailing so I won’t be coming in today.” Most likely you would not be going back to that job.
We are not rewarded for going for pleasure. We are often penalized for it, because we live in a pain-oriented society. No wonder the “pleasure muscles” in our lives are so weak.
Practice. Practice. Practice.
Living your life according to what brings you pleasure takes practice.
Practice breaking the habit of dwelling on complaints, and start paying attention to what pleasures you.
It’s a challenge to change habits. It’s takes a new kind of consciousness.
There are many ways to get started. Meditate, go for walks, pamper yourself and listen deeply to what your intuition tells you.
When you look in the mirror, notice the things you like about yourself. Be specific and maybe start by describing each feature you like out loud. “I like that curl in my hair, my crooked smile, my collarbones, the color of my skin,” etc.
As one of my favorite quotes says: “If you live your life in pursuit of success, pleasure is 50-50. If you live your life in pursuit of pleasure, success is guaranteed!”
Right now, think about the things you are already doing to create pleasure in your life. Please share them below!