How to Give of Yourself and Still Feel Great
By Jessica
At BOOM!, we believe that how beautiful you look on the outside is connected to how you feel on the inside.
We’re always interested in what all women can do to feel better, to get more joy out of life, and to turn on that inner radiance. It’s that glow that comes from living in your pleasure and your wholeness and your joy.
In learning to increase my joy, one of the areas I’ve had a real learning curve is how much energy I spend—and making sure I don’t wind up drained.
We live in a really busy, complex world. It can be easy to get stressed out, and drained without even noticing it’s happening. That can leave us tapped out and feeling (and looking) tired.
So I’ve been experimenting with finding a balance, and becoming more attentive to my own energy reserves.
Give from your surplus.
One of the most valuable concepts I’ve discovered while working through this learning curve of mine is the idea of giving from surplus.
The idea is, you can’t give what you don’t have!
When you give from your surplus, you fill up your own cup first, and then you give from the overflow.
Cultivating that overflow actually makes giving inevitable—and it feels really natural, and really good.
Once I thought that if I gave “too much,” I’d wind up depleted. I’ve let that idea go. Instead, I’m focusing on cultivating a surplus of energy in myself, so I just naturally have a lot to share.
Here are a few things I’ve been experimenting with to cultivate my own energy, stay mindful of my energy reserves, and fill my own cup so I can give from surplus:
Let go of the belief that there’s no other option.
Women are superheroes. We have so much natural power and endurance that it can be easy to forget to fill up our own cup.
The reality is: If you keep pouring out your cup and you don’t refill it, that cup stays empty. You’ll be constantly drained.
If you refill your cup, and keep filling it, eventually that cup is going to spill over. You’ll use that extra water in your cup to wash yourself clean, or give it to someone else who’s thirsty.
It’s a physical reality for us, just like it would be for a real-life water glass.
We wouldn’t argue if we were talking about pouring water out of an actual glass—so why should it be any different for us?
Listen to your body.
Our bodies are giving us fabulous messages all the time, if we just tune in and listen.
Feeling tired? Listen to that and sleep! Go to bed early, look into herbal supplements to help you sleep, or give up sugar if you don’t sleep soundly. Even if you only have time for a nap—do it!
If I’m feeling irritable or impatient, it’s often a sign I’m not getting enough exercise. So before I pin the problem on my husband, or my work situation, or that person who hasn’t called me back, I try moving. I hit the gym, dance, take a yoga class or even go for a brisk walk. Usually it takes care of the irritability immediately.
Food is the other important one to pay attention to. It includes everything from making sure you’re eating enough—to recognizing the relationship between what foods you put in your body, and how energized you feel after eating them.
Listen to your skin!
You know how when you’re feeling great on the inside, it shows up on the outside? I find the inverse is true too—when you’re feeling drained, you don’t look your best.
For me, when I’m not loving how my skin looks, it’s usually a great sign that I’ve been neglecting my own cup. It means I’m not giving from surplus.
Recently, I’ve been trying an experiment. If I look in the mirror and I think I look tired, worn down, and my skin looks dull, I don’t judge myself. I refuse to give in to society’s messages about aging, or tell myself, “boy, you look like crud!” Instead, I’ll just take a moment, pause, and check whether it’s time to fill my own cup.
Almost always, my skin is trying to tell me that I need a little refill.
When I listen to what my skin is saying, I can take a moment to add to my surplus. I take the nap or delegate the workload, or go to the yoga class or make a date with a girlfriend who inspires me. When I do, I wind up feeling a lot better about what I see the next time I look in the mirror.
What do you do to practice filling your own cup, and stay mindful of giving from surplus? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!