Brenda’s Story: Feeling Like a Queen at 61
At 61, Brenda takes life “one nanosecond at a time” as she says it.
Today, she’s explaining exactly what that means. Brenda is also sharing her wisdom on why compassion is key and being selfish is a good thing.
Watch the video for the full story.
My name is Brenda, I am 61-years-old.
At 21, I thought I knew everything, at 61 I know I know everything, pretty much. Being 21 of course, is learning and finding your way and just experiencing everything brand new.
Now, it's like, "Okay, yeah, I've done that. No, I don't like that. Okay, yeah I like that. I'll try that." That's been the difference.
The most pleasurable thing about getting older is that you can just sit quietly and be okay. You don't have to constantly be moving, you don't have to constantly be proving yourself to anyone, you just kinda know.
There's a saying I think in Jamaica, "soon come." So that's how, at least that's how I feel.
There's a saying I think in Jamaica, "soon come." So that's how, at least that's how I feel. Okay, I want this. All right I'll work at it, but soon come. I know that I'm in the right direction, I'm on the right course and the universe kinda brings whatever you need to you, "Here I am. Boom."
A woman is beautiful from the inside, so, yeah, you can put on all this other stuff, but what really makes a woman beautiful is what comes from inside. You can't fake really what's inside of you.
My mom raised me with a saying of "You're descendants from kings and queens." That's who we are, and that's how I carry myself. I feel like I'm a queen. Oh yeah—that comes with age. You don't really know that until you get older and you're not trying to please everyone because that becomes really, really tiring.
If I could go back and just say to the younger Brenda and give her a little advice...
I would tell her, "Take more chances, calm down, everything doesn't have to happen yesterday, believe in your abilities. That first husband, yeah, you didn't need to go through that, but take your time. Don't not panic into getting married or doing anything. Do not panic. Life is good. Be the best you can be. Learn from every single thing and compassion is the key."
Compassion is the key because we have to have compassion for each other no matter what color, age, style, height, weight, whatever.
Once you have compassion, that allows you to just step back a minute and go, "Okay. If I were this person, how would I feel being treated this way?"
What I would tell anyone, whether it's a woman who is of a certain age or not, I would say, take it one nanosecond at a time. Because if you can just stand and go, "It's gonna get better," just take that one second and go, "It's gonna get better," then you also have to surround yourself with people who are of that like mind.
You can't try to get through and sometimes stay with the same old friends or the same old family members who are in that negative kind of mind frame.
It's so funny because I always talk about my mom. But my mom has come up in a different era as an African-American woman, as a dark-skinned African-American woman which comes with its own problems. And a lot of times I have to step away from my mother even to say, "Oh no, I've gotta protect myself right now." And I'll go back to her when I've shored up my feelings.
Being selfish is not a bad thing when you're protecting your own psyche, and your own heart, and your own spirit. You take it one nanosecond at a time, go buy a nice pair of shoes if you can.
Do whatever puts you into that happy kind of zone for that moment. And I know I joke about it a lot, but that's what gets me through. Looking at it one nanosecond at a time. And once you can make yourself feel better, then you can go out and feel like you have your guard, your positive guard. So, that's what I would tell a woman who might be going through a little difficulty.
Do what makes you feel pretty, because no matter how we look at it, most of us like looking pretty or looking good or looking presentable or looking like, you go outside and people go, "Wow. You look good."
Yeah, okay. Yes, I want to look good because that makes me happy.
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