SWC 14: Sister Support
Welcome to week fourteen of Saturday With Cindy. This week we are talking about celebrating our sisters! How we can be close, honest, supportive, and trusting with one another. How we are building our community one woman at a time. Please watch this week’s video, then leave me a blog comment below letting me know your thoughts!
Highlights:
00:55 – Honor the struggles that women have faced in the past and still face
01:45 – Women believe they lose value as they age
02:20 – Support other women rather than competing with them
03:15 – Be honest when you feel envy and jealousy
04:30 – You can make a difference by being a positive example
Hey, it’s Saturday again. Yay! All right. So I want to talk about how we rock, women rock. Finally, we’re in the 21st century. We are free. We just don’t have two choices anymore. We are not just valued because we can bear children. That was long ago, and it’s over. We can honor that, honor that we went through that, honor all the women of generations past that suffered, that were burned at the stake, that could not vote, that had very little say about their lives.
We can help the women today in other parts of the world that are experiencing those same things, but here we are in America, Suffrage happened a hundred years ago, women’s lib 40 years ago. We ran for president, but we still have this piece deep in our psyche that leads us to believe we lose value as we age, that we have less value if we do not fit the American standard of beauty. And we still compete with each other. What is that about? We don’t need to do that anymore. A hundred years ago, yeah, we had to be the smartest, prettiest, most productive, whatever we could do to get the guy because we couldn’t survive without the guy. We were useless old maids if we weren’t married by the time we were 22 years old? And we still carry that as well. We still think our value goes down as we age or, at least, if we look like we’re aging, and we still compete with each other.
It’s a new time. Let it go. Drop that last piece that is deep down in there. Let it go and start supporting other women. Tell them the truth about how beautiful they are. If you feel jealousy or envy, talk about it, it’s OK. You’re only human but talk about it, say, “Oh my God, I want to tell you how beautiful your hair looks and how great you look in that dress. We’re about to go to a party together, and I’m feeling so less than you right now and so jealous that I don’t even want to give you a compliment.” Oh my God, the closeness that will come from your honesty, and you know what you might hear, “Oh my God, I was feeling the same way, and I didn’t want to say anything.”
Whatever that is, that may be a very trite example. That might not be anything you experienced, but let’s start talking about it all with each other. Let’s start trusting our sisters, our mothers, our daughters, our girlfriends, whatever women are in your life. I just think it’s so important, and I’ve discovered the more I do that wow, it’s really powerful to have a community of women you can trust. If we keep trusting each other and each of our communities start trusting each other, then all of those communities start trusting each other, we can do out in the world and do a lot. Each of us do our own part.
We’re not going to save the world in our generation. It’s little bits at a time. It’s each woman and man being born into a world that just has a little bit more consciousness, a little bit more awareness, a little bit more education. It will not happen in our lifetime, but we will know that living examples is affecting generations to come.
Let me know what you think. Write to your friends. Write on this blog. Create your own blog. We’re making it happen. We really are. It’s so exciting. All right. I’m done, and I will see you next Saturday.
We are making it happen Cindy and I am glad to have found your blog and heard your voice. Together we will make it one of many voices.
Aloha and mahalo for another awesome message! I am committed to acknowledging women of all ages (including precious little girls, young women of great promise (and experiencing uncertainty), working women, mothers, tired women, vibrant women and especially women of age and wisdom! The transformation resulting from a kind word or “atta girl” is so enriching! One woman at a time… Have been doing this for a while and Cindy, you are so awesome to put this message on your blog. We must embrace each other and as we do so, we embrace ourselves. Life has taught the lesson that those “toxic relationships” are those who are recreating unresolved issues from the past and sometimes we are simply players in someone else’s journey…and the best gift if you cannot spark a positive change is to bless them and release them to their own journey. Somewhere in those woman is a young girl who has had a dream squashed and I have asked myself – who am I to judge? So I bless and release, with a fervent intention of peace and fulfillment to the woman experiencing the “spin cycle.” Thank you for the call to all woman that we honor ourselves and honor the women in the world.
During the early hours of the morning when I simply cannot sleep, I send thoughts and wishes of peace, good will and support to a woman (unknown to me) who is struggling on the other side of this planet…to lift her up and embrace her. This never fails to create an atmosphere of peace and sleep comes so gently afterwards.
Mahalo, Cindy!
Women are maternal and caring, also they tend to be more detail oriented and notice the little things due to our self preservation type instinct. I think if we as women would use these more to benefit other women, serve each other and help each other by our actions and seeking out ways to be kind, then much of this competitive crap would die down. The more important things would shine, like character and being a servant to womankind, brighter and blot out the negative voices of jealousy and competitiveness that women have or cause. There is and would be strength in that and much change would come from it. So I think it starts with little things, what we each can do on our own in our own sphere of influence and living. Start speaking encouragement to the women you know and don’t know and it will spread. A compliment that is truly meant goes a long way especially in the times we’re now in where it’s every person for themselves in so many ways.
Cindy, Great talk! Love your Saturdays chat. They always make me think. One thing that I would to hear you talk about it the toxic friendships that we all have. “Kelly” left a message about a girlfriend who never complimented her and seemed jealous of her. Luckly, I have only had a few of these types of friends but still they haunt me. I think they haunt me b/c I trusted these friendships and assumed they would come around and start being nice to me. But they never did and in most cases, it got worse. The friendships ended by either me or the other person just stopping communicating (no more calls or call backs). Very immature way to handle these things, I think.
No one ever told me how to handle these types of “friendships”. I think b/c people don’t want to talk about it. I tried talking to several people about my jealousy and my insecurities but most people just get uncomfortable and say things like “life isn’t fair” or “everyone feels that way”.
Anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts on toxic friends, relationships either with men or even family (sisters? brothers? parents?).
Thank you and keep your talks coming!!!!
Oh Cindy, how difficult and how true. Thanks you for opening another can of worms. looking in the mirror of the trust idea – makes me want to view my responses differently. Lisa
Re your example… whatever. Bottom line you are not trite Cindy. Nailed it again.
You’re right. Won’t happen in our lifetime, but we are teaching by example and, yes, we need to grab all women of all ages, including those we might think are a bit smarter, prettier, or whatever “more” we may “think” they are… yes, grab them, hug them and say “Come on, step up… now!”
Vicki
What courage!! Wow–are you bucking Hollywood in all the TV/movie messages or what! But we CAN do something each one of us. We can turn off the TV (or NOT have one–I don’t!!!). We don’t HAVE to go to the movies & eat JUNK for our dates, supporting that whole industry in giving us women the wrong messages. We can have wonderful walks, bike rides, healthful meals w/friends & other families, & STIMULATING conversations just like you shared w/us instead!!! Yeah, Cindy!!
Life is too precious to spend it with the mandate: “Be a mannikin, and you will be loved. Follow the trends.” The truth is: There are many forms of beauty. Inner “trapped-ness” is a tough thing. When others sing the “over the hill” tune, it’s tempting for us to mouth the words ourselves — and we believe it ourselves. Such shackles must be thrown off. I could drive through the suburbs of my own city and find women who are self-actualizing and women who are so at-risk, from early years to silver-golden years. Many women in my own family, including my grandmother, my half-sister, many aunts, and cherished nale ancestors, were victims of atrocity. This has left scars in those of us of the next generation, but we retain a sensitivity to others’ suffering. Too much self-definition based on appearance…too much self-hate…is not good for society. We are not solely our skin, race, ethnicity, age, and earnings. We are interdependent beings in dynamic interplay.
EMBRACING MY GRAY AND LOVING IT FIERCELY
I love this blog! One thing women have lost is the wonderful rewards of close friendships. We try to tear each other down instead of building each other up! We try to find our identity through the eyes of men, and what America says about what we, as women should look like. We look to others for validation! So what if we don’t fit into the mold of what others want us to be. God created each of us unique, both in looks and personality. It takes a strong person to allow each individual to be themselves without feeling threatened. I want to be that stong person!
You are lovely. What a wonderful message.
Thanks for posting such a beautiful comment Cindy. I feel the same way. We are whole as a woman with or without a man. I have let my silver grow in. I am confident in who I am.I’ve been a happy mother and loved being a woman.We needn’t be afraid to show it and don’t need to be jealous of anyone. A man is an added blessing but our identity is not in him. We must be true to ourselves.I encountered a jealous “friend”. I reached out in love to her and she realized I really cared . There is nothing to fear.YOu are made beautifully inside and out just let it shine.
Yes! Just received information about your cosmetic line from my sister, watched you, loved what you were saying, more hope with small steps. Beginning to talk about being dismissed, not only by others, but also by ourselves. Perhaps we can remind each other those “facts” we grew up with and digested as truth, that now are familiar and invisible to us as the air we breathe are toxic and can be released incrementally, little bit by little bit. Thanks
Lovely message…. I relate to all of it, and the beauty of dealing with jealousy by turning it into a positive. I feel good when I compliment someone that I’m feeling a bit envious of. It takes away that insecure feeling immediately! I have a little blog that I’ve posted a bit about Boom, natural hair, this and that.
http://dulcylikes.blogspot.com/
Thanks for another uplifting Sat. With Cindy. Love these!
dulcy
Hey Cindy- thanx! Fabulous message! Gives us all food for thought. I think that part of my maturing process has been to lead me to that place where I realize the great blessing of everyone I meet. I really feel grateful! I’m surrounded by true beauty: the heart-felt kind that matters. Thank you for encouraging us to open our eyes and hearts… Love always, Leigh
Yea women! You said one thing in this blog that I feel very strongly about and that is how women used to feel they needed to be the best and prettiest to get the guy. Sadly, women still value themselves by having the guy. I see it in my daughter’s 23 year old age group and I see it in my own 50 something age group. I have let my hair go natural, a beautiful silver and gray color now sits on my head. Women asks me how my husband feels about it. That makes me sad. My daughter’s friends pick these young men to be their boyfriends who treat them horribly but they need a guy so they keep them. So yea women. Let’s stick together, respect our selves, love the guy in our lives, and value ourselves.
Cindy, have had trouble commenting on this site. Last weeks, was so incredible I doubt there wasn’t one man or woman watching your touching video that did not share those heartfelt tears with you. These video’s set my day every Sat.and I keep the message with me.Love K.
Figured it out! It was a comma!! LOL!!!
Thanks Cindy…insightful!
Go sister! WE love you!
Amen!!!!! Let out your true heart, tell your sisters how beautiful and capable they are, build them up! You may get some strange looks at first until they know you are oh so sincere but it is so important. You will feel and see walls come down! Each woman is beautiful inside and out in her own, unique way – we have to take charge of things and take the pressures off of each other to focus on the outward beauty that makes us feel the need for hair color, plastic surgery, starving ourselves, etc.. Focus on the health, vitality, spirit, heart and mind that makes each and every one of us AWESOME!!! Like Cindy spoke of – love and support one another and be the best YOU possible.
Always look forward to what you have to say…. One thing I think is important as well with women… Get rid of toxic relationships! I had a friend … We had lots of laughs… However the relationship was overshadowed with her jealousy. I easily and often give my girlfriends compliments to make them feel good… This girl could not do that… I could cut my hair… Buy a new outfit… I even lost 30 lbs and she never said a word! Without going into a lot of detail… I had to remove that relationship out of my life… And it was such a weight off of me! So yes… Talk and be honest with your girlfriends!! Enjoy being women! Love on each other!
Make today a day that you say something special to each woman in your life… Enjoy!!!
Please check out “how to become a woman” by Caitlin Moran, a great little book that supports your ideas and offers some big laughs too!